if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
