I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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