i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
