Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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