those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
