so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
