Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the raccoons are back...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
