If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
