I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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