can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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