im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
