he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
