guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
