Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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