i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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