so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
