how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
