You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
