I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
