I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is wine microwaveable?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
