dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
