just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
