meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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