Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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