i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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