So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
