the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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