we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
