And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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