Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
