Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
