This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
