so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
