It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
