I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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