it wasn't lemon gatorade
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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