my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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