i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
