i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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