My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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