So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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