Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
