see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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