guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
