Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
