You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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