i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
