Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
