It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
