My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
