You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
