Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
