Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm passing your future prison.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
