Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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