I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
